[Top][All Lists]
[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
www/fun/jokes know.your.sysadmin.html
|
From: |
Yavor Doganov |
|
Subject: |
www/fun/jokes know.your.sysadmin.html |
|
Date: |
Wed, 20 Jan 2010 08:19:45 +0000 |
CVSROOT: /web/www
Module name: www
Changes by: Yavor Doganov <yavor> 10/01/20 08:19:45
Modified files:
fun/jokes : know.your.sysadmin.html
Log message:
Validation and boilerplate compliance fixes.
CVSWeb URLs:
http://web.cvs.savannah.gnu.org/viewcvs/www/fun/jokes/know.your.sysadmin.html?cvsroot=www&r1=1.10&r2=1.11
Patches:
Index: know.your.sysadmin.html
===================================================================
RCS file: /web/www/www/fun/jokes/know.your.sysadmin.html,v
retrieving revision 1.10
retrieving revision 1.11
diff -u -b -r1.10 -r1.11
--- know.your.sysadmin.html 9 Jun 2009 20:56:09 -0000 1.10
+++ know.your.sysadmin.html 20 Jan 2010 08:19:40 -0000 1.11
@@ -1,486 +1,491 @@
<!--#include virtual="/server/header.html" -->
-
<title>Know your System Administrator - GNU Project - Free Software Foundation
(FSF)</title>
-
<!--#include virtual="/server/banner.html" -->
-
<h2>Know your System Administrator</h2>
-<p>(a field guide)</p>
+<p>(A field guide)</p>
-<p>
-There are four major species of Unix sysad:
-</p><p>
- 1.The <b>TECHNICAL THUG</b>. Usually a systems programmer who has been forced
-into system administration; writes scripts in a polyglot of the Bourne shell,
-sed, C, awk, perl, and APL.
-</p><p>
- 2.The <b>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST</b>. Usually a retentive drone (or rarely, a
-harridan ex-secretary) who has been forced into system administration.
-</p><p>
- 3.The <b>MANIAC</b>. Usually an aging cracker who discovered that neither the
-Mossad nor Cuba are willing to pay a living wage for computer
-espionage. Fell into system administration; occasionally approaches
-major competitors with indesp schemes.
-</p><p>
- 4.The <b>IDIOT</b>. Usually a cretin, morpohodite, or old COBOL programmer
-selected to be the system administrator by a committee of cretins,
-morphodites, and old COBOL programmers.
-</p>
+<p>There are four major species of Unix sysad:</p>
+<ol>
+<li>The <b>TECHNICAL THUG</b>. Usually a systems programmer who has
+been forced into system administration; writes scripts in a polyglot
+of the Bourne shell, sed, C, awk, perl, and APL.</li>
+<li>The <b>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST</b>. Usually a retentive drone (or
+rarely, a harridan ex-secretary) who has been forced into system
+administration.</li>
+<li>The <b>MANIAC</b>. Usually an aging cracker who discovered that
+neither the Mossad nor Cuba are willing to pay a living wage for
+computer espionage. Fell into system administration; occasionally
+approaches major competitors with indesp schemes.</li>
+<li>The <b>IDIOT</b>. Usually a cretin, morphodite, or old COBOL
+programmer selected to be the system administrator by a committee of
+cretins, morphodites, and old COBOL programmers.</li>
+</ol>
-<center>
<h3>HOW TO IDENTIFY YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR</h3>
-</center>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Low disk space</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Low disk space</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes a suite of scripts to monitor disk
usage, maintain a database of historic disk usage, predict future disk
-usage via least squares regression analysis, identify users who are more
-than a standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the offending
-parties. Places script in cron. Disk usage does not change, since
-disk-hogs, by nature, either ignore script-generated mail, or file it
-away in triplicate.</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts disk usage policy in motd. Uses
-disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work.
-Locks accounts that go over quota.</p>
-
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i></p>
-<pre>
- # cd /home
- # rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`;
-</pre>
-
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
-<pre>
- # cd /home
- # cat `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{ printf "%s/*\n", $2}'` |
compress
-</pre>
-
+usage via least squares regression analysis, identify users who are
+more than a standard deviation over the mean, and send mail to the
+offending parties. Places script in cron. Disk usage does not
+change, since disk-hogs, by nature, either ignore script-generated
+mail, or file it away in triplicate.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts disk usage policy in
+<tt>motd</tt>. Uses disk quotas. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling
+development work. Locks accounts that go over quota.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i>
+<pre>
+# cd /home
+# rm -rf `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`;
+</pre></li>
+
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
+<pre>
+# cd /home
+# cat `du -s * | sort -rn | head -1 | awk '{ printf "%s/*\n", $2}'` | compress
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Excessive CPU usage</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Excessive CPU usage</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes a suite of scripts to monitor
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes a suite of scripts to monitor
processes, maintain a database of CPU usage, identify processes more
than a standard deviation over the norm, and renice offending
processes. Places script in cron. Ends up renicing the production
-database into oblivion, bringing operations to a grinding halt, much to
-the delight of the xtrek freaks.</p>
+database into oblivion, bringing operations to a grinding halt, much
+to the delight of the xtrek freaks.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts CPU usage policy in motd. Uses
-CPU quotas. Locks accounts that go over quota. Allows no exceptions,
-thus crippling development work, much to the delight of the xtrek
-freaks.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts CPU usage policy
+in <tt>motd</tt>. Uses CPU quotas. Locks accounts that go over
+quota. Allows no exceptions, thus crippling development work, much to
+the delight of the xtrek freaks.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i></p>
-<pre>
- # kill -9 `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`
-</pre>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i>
<pre>
- # compress -f `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print
$2}'`
-</pre>
+# kill -9 `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`
+</pre></li>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
+<pre>
+# compress -f `ps -augxww | sort -rn +8 -9 | head -1 | awk '{print $2}'`
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> New account creation</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> New account creation</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes perl script that creates home
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes perl script that creates home
directory, copies in incomprehensible default environment, and places
-entries in /etc/passwd, /etc/shadow, and /etc/group. (By hand, NOT with
-passmgmt.) Slaps on setuid bit; tells a nearby secretary to handle new
-accounts. Usually, said secretary is still dithering over the difference
-between 'enter' and 'return'; and so, no new accounts are ever
-created.</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts new account policy in motd. Since
-people without accounts cannot read the motd, nobody ever fulfills the
-bureaucratic requirements; and so, no new accounts are ever created.</p>
-
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> "If you're too stupid to break in and create your own
-account, I don't want you on the system. We've got too many goddamn
-sh*t-for-brains a**holes on this box anyway."</p>
-
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i>
-<pre>
- # cd /home; mkdir "Bob's home directory"
- # echo "Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f" > /etc/passwd
-</pre>
-
+entries in <tt>/etc/passwd</tt>, <tt>/etc/shadow</tt>,
+and <tt>/etc/group</tt>. (By hand, NOT with passmgmt.) Slaps on
+setuid bit; tells a nearby secretary to handle new accounts. Usually,
+said secretary is still dithering over the difference between
+‘enter’ and ‘return’; and so, no new accounts
+are ever created.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts new account policy
+in <tt>motd</tt>. Since people without accounts cannot read
+the <tt>motd</tt>, nobody ever fulfills the bureaucratic requirements;
+and so, no new accounts are ever created.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> “If you're too stupid to break in and create
+your own account, I don't want you on the system. We've got too many
+goddamn sh*t-for-brains a**holes on this box anyway.”</li>
+
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
+<pre>
+# cd /home; mkdir "Bob's home directory"
+# echo "Bob Simon:gandalf:0:0::/dev/tty:compress -f" > /etc/passwd
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Root disk fails</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Root disk fails</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Repairs drive. Usually is able to repair
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Repairs drive. Usually is able to repair
filesystem from boot monitor. Failing that, front-panel toggles
microkernel in and starts script on neighboring machine to load binary
boot code into broken machine, reformat and reinstall OS. Lets it run
-over the weekend while he goes mountain climbing.</p>
+over the weekend while he goes mountain climbing.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Begins investigation to determine who
-broke the drive. Refuses to fix system until culprit is identified and
-charged for the equipment.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Begins investigation to determine
+who broke the drive. Refuses to fix system until culprit is
+identified and charged for the equipment.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM:</i> Rips drive from system, uses
+<li><i>MANIAC, LARGE SYSTEM:</i> Rips drive from system, uses
sledgehammer to smash same to flinders. Calls manufacturer, threatens
-pets. Abuses field engineer while they put in a new drive and reinstall
-the OS.</p>
-
-<p><i>MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM:</i> Rips drive from system, uses ball-peen
-hammer to smash same to flinders. Calls Requisitions, threatens
-pets. Abuses bystanders while putting in new drive and reinstalling
-OS.</p>
+pets. Abuses field engineer while they put in a new drive and
+reinstall the OS.</li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Doesn't notice anything wrong.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC, SMALL SYSTEM:</i> Rips drive from system, uses
+ball-peen hammer to smash same to flinders. Calls Requisitions,
+threatens pets. Abuses bystanders while putting in new drive and
+reinstalling OS.</li>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Doesn't notice anything wrong.</li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Poor network response</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Poor network response</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes scripts to monitor network, then
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes scripts to monitor network, then
rewires entire machine room, improving response time by 2%. Shrugs
-shoulders, says, "I've done all I can do," and goes mountain
-climbing.</p>
+shoulders, says, “I've done all I can do,” and goes
+mountain climbing.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts network usage policy in
-motd. Calls up Berkeley and AT&T, badgers whoever answers for
-network quotas. Tries to get xtrek freaks fired.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts network usage policy in
+<tt>motd</tt>. Calls up Berkeley and AT&T, badgers whoever
+answers for network quotas. Tries to get xtrek freaks fired.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and
-waits for connections to time out.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Every two hours, pulls ethernet cable from wall and
+waits for connections to time out.</li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- # compress -f /dev/en0
-</pre>
-
-
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> User questions</p>
-
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Hacks the code of emacs' doctor-mode to answer
-new users questions. Doesn't bother to tell people how to start the new
-"guru-mode", or for that matter, emacs.</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts user support policy in
-motd. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he gets a chance,
-often within two weeks of receipt of the proper form.</p>
+# compress -f /dev/en0
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Screams at users until they go away. Sometimes barters
-knowledge for powerful drink and/or sycophantic adulation.</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> User questions</h4>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Answers all questions to best of his knowledge until
-the user realizes few Unix systems support punched cards or JCL.</p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Hacks the code of
+emacs' <code>doctor-mode</code> to answer new users questions.
+Doesn't bother to tell people how to start the new
+“guru-mode”, or for that matter, emacs.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts user support policy in
+<tt>motd</tt>. Maintains queue of questions. Answers them when he
+gets a chance, often within two weeks of receipt of the proper
+form.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Screams at users until they go away. Sometimes
+barters knowledge for powerful drink and/or sycophantic
+adulation.</li>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Answers all questions to best of his knowledge until
+the user realizes few Unix systems support punched cards or JCL.</li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Stupid user questions</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Stupid user questions</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Answers question in hex, binary, postfix,
-and/or French until user gives up and goes away.</p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Answers question in hex, binary, postfix,
+and/or French until user gives up and goes away.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Locks user's account until user can
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Locks user's account until user can
present documentation demonstrating their qualification to use the
-machine.</p>
+machine.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i></p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i>
<pre>
- # cat > > ~luser/.cshrc
- alias vi 'rm \!*;unalias vi;grep -v BoZo ~/.cshrc > ~/.z; mv -f ~/.z
~/.cshrc'
- ^D
-</pre>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Answers all questions to best of his
-knowledge. Recruits user to system administration team.</p>
+# cat > > ~luser/.cshrc
+alias vi 'rm \!*;unalias vi;grep -v BoZo ~/.cshrc > ~/.z; mv -f ~/.z ~/.cshrc'
+^D
+</pre></li>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Answers all questions to best of his knowledge.
+Recruits user to system administration team.</li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Process accounting management</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Process accounting management</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Ignores packaged accounting software; trusts
-scripts to sniff out any problems & compute charges.</p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Ignores packaged accounting software;
+trusts scripts to sniff out any problems & compute charges.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Devotes 75% of disk space to
-accounting records owned by root and chmod'ed 000.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Devotes 75% of disk space to
+accounting records owned by root and <tt>chmod</tt>'ed 000.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Laughs fool head off at very mention of accounting.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Laughs fool head off at very mention of
+accounting.</li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- # lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact
-</pre>
-
+# lpr /etc/wtmp /usr/adm/paact
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Religious war, BSD vs. System V</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Religious war, BSD vs. System V</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> BSD. Crippled on System V boxes.</p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> BSD. Crippled on System V boxes.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> System V. Horrified by the people who
-use BSD. Places frequent calls to DEA.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> System V. Horrified by the people
+who use BSD. Places frequent calls to DEA.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Prefers BSD, but doesn't care as long as HIS processes run
-quickly.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Prefers BSD, but doesn't care as long as HIS
+processes run quickly.</li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- # cd c:
-</pre>
-
-
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Religious war, System V vs. AIX</p>
+# cd c:
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Weeps.</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Religious war, System V vs. AIX</h4>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> AIX—doesn't much care for the OS,
-but loves the jackboots.</p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Weeps.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full well how much
-Big Financial Institutions love IBM&hellip.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> AIX—doesn't much care for the
+OS, but loves the jackboots.</li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> AIX.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> System V, but keeps AIX skills up, knowing full
+well how much Big Financial Institutions love IBM….</li>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> AIX.</li>
+</ul>
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Balky printer daemons.</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Balky printer daemons.</h4>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Rewrites lpd in FORTH.</p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Rewrites lpd in FORTH.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts printer use policy in motd. Calls
-customer support every time the printer freezes. Tries to get user who
-submitted the most recent job fired.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts printer use policy
+in <tt>motd</tt>. Calls customer support every time the printer
+freezes. Tries to get user who submitted the most recent job
+fired.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears all
-the print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a hour
-from cron.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Writes script that kills all the daemons, clears
+all the print queues, and maybe restarts the daemons. Runs it once a
+hour from cron.</li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- # kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp &
-</pre>
-
-
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> OS upgrade.</p>
-
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Reads source code of new release, takes only
-what he likes.</p>
+# kill -9 /dev/lp ; /dev/lp &
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Instigates lawsuit against the vendor
-for having shipped a product with bugs in it in the first place.</p>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> OS upgrade.</h4>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i></p>
-<pre>
- # uptime
- 1:33pm up 19 days, 22:49, 167 users, load average: 6.49, 6.45,
-6.31
- # wall
- Well, it's upgrade time. Should take a few hours. And good luck on
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Reads source code of new release, takes
+only what he likes.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Instigates lawsuit against the
+vendor for having shipped a product with bugs in it in the first
+place.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i>
+<pre>
+# uptime
+1:33pm up 19 days, 22:49, 167 users, load average: 6.49, 6.45, 6.31
+# wall
+Well, it's upgrade time. Should take a few hours. And good luck on
that 5:00 deadline, guys! We're all pulling for you!
- ^D
-</pre>
+^D
+</pre></li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- # dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix
-</pre>
-
-
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Balky mail.</p>
-
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Rewrites sendmail.cf from scratch. Rewrites
-sendmail in SNOBOL. Hacks kernel to implement file locking. Hacks kernel
-to implement "better" semaphores. Rewrites sendmail in assembly. Hacks
-kernel to …</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts mail use policy in motd. Locks
-accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps quota low enough that people
-go back to interoffice mail, thus solving problem.</p>
+# dd if=/dev/rmt8 of=/vmunix
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i>
-</pre>
- # kill -9 `ps -augxww | grep sendmail | awk '{print $2}'`
- # rm -f /usr/spool/mail/*
- # wall
- Mail is down. Please use interoffice mail until we have it back up.
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Balky mail.</h4>
- ^D
- # write max
- I've got my boots and backpack. Ready to leave for Mount Tam?
- ^D
-</pre>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Rewrites <tt>sendmail.cf</tt> from scratch.
+Rewrites sendmail in SNOBOL. Hacks kernel to implement file locking.
+Hacks kernel to implement “better” semaphores. Rewrites
+sendmail in assembly. Hacks kernel to …</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Puts mail use policy
+in <tt>motd</tt>. Locks accounts that go over mail use quota. Keeps
+quota low enough that people go back to interoffice mail, thus solving
+problem.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i>
+<pre>
+# kill -9 `ps -augxww | grep sendmail | awk '{print $2}'`
+# rm -f /usr/spool/mail/*
+# wall
+Mail is down. Please use interoffice mail until we have it back up.
+^D
+# write max
+I've got my boots and backpack. Ready to leave for Mount Tam?
+^D
+</pre></li>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- # echo "HELP!" | mail
+# echo "HELP!" | mail
tech_support.AT.vendor.com%kremvax%bitnet!BIFF!!!
-</pre>
-
-
-<hr>
-<p><b>SITUATION:</b> Users want phone list application.</p>
-
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk. Users give
-up and go back to post-it notes.</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Oracle. Users give up and go back to
-post-it notes.</p>
-
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way
-God meant man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go back
-to post-it notes.</p>
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i></p>
-<pre>
- % dd ibs=80 if=/dev/rdisk001s7 | grep "Fred"
-</pre>
+<h4><b>SITUATION:</b> Users want phone list application.</h4>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes RDBMS in perl and Smalltalk. Users
+give up and go back to post-it notes.</li>
-<center>
- <h4>TYPICAL ROOT .cshrc FILE:</h4>
-</center>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Oracle. Users give up and go back
+to post-it notes.</li>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the
-output of a perl script, rewrites itself.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Tells the users to use flat files and grep, the way
+God meant man to keep track of phone numbers. Users give up and go
+back to post-it notes.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Typical lines include:</p>
-<pre>
- umask 777
- alias cd 'cd \!*; rm -rf ching *hack mille omega rogue xtrek > /dev/null &'
-</pre>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Typical lines include:</p>
-<pre>
- alias rm 'rm -rf \!*'
- alias hose kill -9 '`ps -augxww | grep \!* | awk \'{print $2}\'`'
- alias kill 'kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!*'
- alias renice 'echo Renice\? You must mean kill -9.; kill -9 \!*'
-</pre>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Typical lines include:</p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
- alias dir ls
- alias era rm
- alias kitty cat
- alias process_table ps
- setenv DISPLAY vt100
-</pre>
-
-
-<center>
- <h4>HOBBIES, TECHNICAL:</h4>
-</center>
-
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest. Optimizes
-INTERCAL scripts. Maintains ENIAC emulator. Virtual reality.</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Bugs office. Audits card-key
-logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone
-conversations. Listens to police band.</p>
-
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs
-office. Edits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular
-phone conversations. Jams police band.</p>
-
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Ties shoes. Maintains COBOL decimal to roman numeral
-converter. Rereads flowcharts from his salad days at Rand.</p>
-
-
-<center>
- <h4>HOBBIES, NONTECHNICAL:</h4>
-</center>
-
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Drinks "Smart Drinks." Attends raves. Hangs out at
-poetry readings and Whole Earth Review events and tries to pick up
-Birkenstock MOTAS.</p>
-
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Reads Readers Digest and Mein Kampf.
Sometimes
-turns up car radio and sings along to John Denver. Golfs. Drinks gin
-martinis. Hangs out in yuppie bars and tries to pick up dominatrixes.</p>
-
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Reads Utne Reader and Mein Kampf. Faithfully attends Dickies
and
-Ramones concerts. Punches out people who say "virtual reality." Drinks
-damn near anything, but favors Wild Turkey, Black Bush, and grain alcohol.
-Hangs out in neighborhood bars and tries to pick up MOTAS by drinking
-longshoremen under the table.</p>
-
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Reads Time and Newsweek—and *believes* them. Drinks
-Jagermeister. Tries to pick up close blood relations—often succeeds,
-producting next generation of idiots.</p>
+% dd ibs=80 if=/dev/rdisk001s7 | grep "Fred"
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
+<h4>Typical root <tt>.cshrc</tt> file:</h4>
-<center>
- <h4>1992 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION:</h4>
-</center>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Longer than eight kilobytes. Sources the
+output of a perl script, rewrites itself.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Typical lines include:
+<pre>
+umask 777
+alias cd 'cd \!*; rm -rf ching *hack mille omega rogue xtrek > /dev/null &'
+</pre></li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Typical lines include:
+<pre>
+alias rm 'rm -rf \!*'
+alias hose kill -9 '`ps -augxww | grep \!* | awk \'{print $2}\'`'
+alias kill 'kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!* ; kill -9 \!*'
+alias renice 'echo Renice\? You must mean kill -9.; kill -9 \!*'
+</pre></li>
+
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Typical lines include:
+<pre>
+alias dir ls
+alias era rm
+alias kitty cat
+alias process_table ps
+setenv DISPLAY vt100
+</pre></li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Clinton, but only because he liked Gore's book.
+<h4>Hobbies, technical:</h4>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only because he
-liked Tipper.
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Writes entries for Obsfuscated C contest.
+Optimizes INTERCAL scripts. Maintains ENIAC emulator. Virtual
+reality.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Bugs office. Audits card-key logs.
+Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone conversations.
+Listens to police band.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Volunteers at Survival Research Labs. Bugs office.
+Edits card-key logs. Modifies old TVs to listen in on cellular phone
+conversations. Jams police band.</li>
+
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Ties shoes. Maintains COBOL decimal to roman
+numeral converter. Rereads flowcharts from his salad days at
+Rand.</li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Frank Zappa.
+<h4>Hobbies, nontechnical:</h4>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Perot.
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Drinks “Smart Drinks.” Attends
+raves. Hangs out at poetry readings and Whole Earth Review events and
+tries to pick up Birkenstock MOTAS.</li>
+
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Reads Readers Digest and Mein
+Kampf. Sometimes turns up car radio and sings along to John Denver.
+Golfs. Drinks gin martinis. Hangs out in yuppie bars and tries to
+pick up dominatrixes.</li>
+
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Reads Utne Reader and Mein Kampf. Faithfully
+attends Dickies and Ramones concerts. Punches out people who say
+“virtual reality.” Drinks damn near anything, but favors
+Wild Turkey, Black Bush, and grain alcohol. Hangs out in neighborhood
+bars and tries to pick up MOTAS by drinking longshoremen under the
+table.</li>
+
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Reads Time and Newsweek—and <b>believes</b>
+them. Drinks Jagermeister. Tries to pick up close blood
+relations—often succeeds, producting next generation of
+idiots.</li>
+</ul>
+<h4>1992 Presidential Election:</h4>
-<center>
- <h4>1996 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION:</h4>
-</center>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Clinton, but only because he liked Gore's
+book.</li>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Richard Stallman - Larry Wall.</p>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Bush. Possibly Clinton, but only
+because he liked Tipper.</li>
-<p><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Nixon - Buchanan.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Frank Zappa.</li>
-<p><i>MANIAC:</i> Frank Zappa.</p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Perot.</li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>IDIOT:</i> Quayle.</p>
+<h4>1996 Presidential Election:</h4>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL THUG:</i> Richard Stallman — Larry Wall.</li>
-<center>
- <h4>COMPOUND SYSTEM ADMINISTRATORS:</h4>
-</center>
+<li><i>ADMINISTRATIVE FASCIST:</i> Nixon — Buchanan.</li>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL FASCIST:</i> Hacks kernel & writes a horde of scripts to
-prevent folk from ever using more than their fair share of system
-resources. Resulting overhead and load brings system to its knees.</p>
+<li><i>MANIAC:</i> Frank Zappa.</li>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL MANIAC:</i> Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring
-the system, but are actually encrypting large lists of passwords. Uses
-nearby nodes as beta test sites for worms.</p>
+<li><i>IDIOT:</i> Quayle.</li>
+</ul>
-<p><i>TECHNICAL IDIOT:</i> Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner or
-later do <tt>rm -rf /</tt>.
+<h4>Compound System Administrators:</h4>
-<p><i>FASCISTIC MANIAC:</i> At first hint of cracker incursions, whether
-real or imagined, shuts down system by triggering water-on-the-brain
-detectors and Halon system.<p>
+<ul>
+<li><i>TECHNICAL FASCIST:</i> Hacks kernel & writes a horde of
+scripts to prevent folk from ever using more than their fair share of
+system resources. Resulting overhead and load brings system to its
+knees.</li>
+
+<li><i>TECHNICAL MANIAC:</i> Writes scripts that SEEM to be monitoring
+the system, but are actually encrypting large lists of passwords.
+Uses nearby nodes as beta test sites for worms.</li>
+
+<li><i>TECHNICAL IDIOT:</i> Writes superuser-run scripts that sooner
+or later do <tt>rm -rf /</tt>.</li>
+
+<li><i>FASCISTIC MANIAC:</i> At first hint of cracker incursions,
+whether real or imagined, shuts down system by triggering
+water-on-the-brain detectors and Halon system.</li>
-<p><i>FASCISTIC IDIOT:</i></p>
+<li><i>FASCISTIC IDIOT:</i>
<pre>
# cp /dev/null /etc/passwd
-</pre>
+</pre></li>
-<p><i>MANIACAL IDIOT:</i> Napalms the CPU.</p>
+<li><i>MANIACAL IDIOT:</i> Napalms the CPU.</li>
+</ul>
<p>
-Stephan Zielinski
+—Stephan Zielinski</p>
---
-Submitted by <b>Durval Menezes</b>.
-</p>
+<p>—Submitted by <b>Durval Menezes</b></p>
-<p>
-<a href="/fun/humor.html">Other humor</a>
-in the GNU Humor Collection.</p>
+<p>This joke is also available
+in <a href="/fun/jokes/know.your.sysadmin">plain text</a>.</p>
+
+<p><a href="/fun/humor.html">Other humor</a> in the GNU Humor
+Collection.</p>
-<div class="infobox">
-<h4 id="Disclaimer">Disclaimer</h4><p>The joke on this page was
-obtained from the FSF's <a href="http://lists.gnu.org/";>email
-archives</a> of the GNU Project.</p>
+<h4 id="Disclaimer">Disclaimer</h4>
+<p>The joke on this page was obtained from the
+FSF's <a href="http://lists.gnu.org/";>email archives</a> of the GNU
+Project.</p>
<p>The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this joke.</p>
-</div>
</div>
@@ -492,27 +497,16 @@
There are also <a href="/contact/">other ways to contact</a>
the FSF.<br />
Please send broken links and other corrections or suggestions to
-<!-- If you are a project maintainer or developer, please use your own -->
-<!-- project email, as webmasters does not manage project web pages. -->
-<!-- However, please report problems in this boilerplate file -->
-<!-- itself to webmasters. -->
-<!-- And remove this whole comment when you copy the file to a new page. -->
-<a href="mailto:address@hidden";><address@hidden></a>.</p>
+<a href="mailto:address@hidden";><address@hidden></a>.</p>
-<p>Please see the <a
-href="/server/standards/README.translations.html">Translations
+<p>Please see
+the <a href="/server/standards/README.translations.html">Translations
README</a> for information on coordinating and submitting translations
of this article.</p>
-<p>Copyright © 2009 Free Software Foundation, Inc.</p>
-
-<p>Verbatim copying and distribution of this entire article are
-permitted worldwide, without royalty, in any medium, provided this
-notice, and the copyright notice, are preserved.</p>
-
<p>Updated:
<!-- timestamp start -->
-$Date: 2009/06/09 20:56:09 $
+$Date: 2010/01/20 08:19:40 $
<!-- timestamp end -->
</p>
</div>
@@ -520,24 +514,24 @@
<div id="translations">
<h4>Translations of this page</h4>
-<!-- Please keep this list alphabetical by language code. -->
-<!-- Comment what the language is for each type, i.e. de is German. -->
-<!-- Write the language name in its own language (Deutsch) in the text. -->
-<!-- If you add a new language here, please -->
-<!-- advise address@hidden and add it to -->
-<!-- - /home/www/html/server/standards/README.translations.html -->
-<!-- - one of the lists under the section "Translations Underway" -->
-<!-- - if there is a translation team, you also have to add an alias -->
-<!-- to mail.gnu.org:/com/mailer/aliases -->
-<!-- Please also check you have the language code right; see: -->
-<!-- http://www.loc.gov/standards/iso639-2/php/code_list.php -->
-<!-- If the 2-letter ISO 639-1 code is not available, -->
-<!-- use the 3-letter ISO 639-2. -->
-<!-- Please use W3C normative character entities. -->
+<!-- Please keep this list alphabetical by language code.
+ Comment what the language is for each type, i.e. de is German.
+ Write the language name in its own language (Deutsch) in the text.
+ If you add a new language here, please
+ advise address@hidden and add it to
+ - /home/www/html/server/standards/README.translations.html
+ - one of the lists under the section "Translations Underway"
+ - if there is a translation team, you also have to add an alias
+ to mail.gnu.org:/com/mailer/aliases
+ Please also check you have the language code right; see:
+ http://www.loc.gov/standards/iso639-2/php/code_list.php
+ If the 2-letter ISO 639-1 code is not available,
+ use the 3-letter ISO 639-2.
+ Please use W3C normative character entities. -->
<ul class="translations-list">
<!-- English -->
-<li><a href="/server/standards/boilerplate.html">English</a> [en]</li>
+<li><a href="/fun/jokes/know.your.sysadmin.html">English</a> [en]</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
| [Prev in Thread] |
Current Thread |
[Next in Thread] |
- www/fun/jokes know.your.sysadmin.html,
Yavor Doganov <=