Re: Some suggested improvements for in-game text

[Jeff Binder]

I just heard about Pingus and I must say, I'm very impressed! The game
looks very well polished all around, although some of the text needs a
little editing. I decided I'd help out a little, so I put together a
list of suggestions.

I didn't look at the introduction, but I went over the tutorial levels.
I'm trying to avoid repeating what Dr. Morén said; sorry if I repeated
something. Here's what I found.

- bomber-tutorial2-grumbel.xml:

"Sacrify" (In the title.)
"Sacrifice"

- floater-tutorial-grumbel.xml:

"...fall to far..."
"...fall too far..."

- jumper-tutorial-grumbel.xml:

"It allows the Pingu to make a small jump and enables him so to reach
the platform."
How about: "A Jumper Pingu can make a small jump, enabling him to reach
the platform."

- miner-tutorial2-grumbel.xml:

"Miners heaven"
Perhaps `Miner's Heaven' or `Miners' Heavern' would be better.

"And another action hits the street, it is again a digging action, this
time a diagonal one, it allows a Pingu to dig diagonally through
ground..."
How about: "And another action hits the street, and again it is a
digging action. This time it's a diagonal one, allowing a Pingu to dig
diagonally through ground..."

- snow10-grumbel.xml:

"..it is your job to coordinate both of these groups wisely."
I would suggest: "...it is your job to coordinate the two groups
wisely."
This is pretty nit-picky, but I changed `both of these' to `the two',
because the word `coordinate' really refers to the two groups together,
rather than referring to each one individually.

- snow11-grumbel.xml:

"...since they turn around on walls you soon will have some trouble..."
"...since they turn around when they hit walls you will soon have some
trouble"

"...but if all fails..."
It's more common to say `if all else fails'.

- snow12-grumbel.xml:

"You have two groups to coordinate this time, no need to panic,
since..."
This sentence should be split up: "You have two groups to coordinate
this time. There's no need to panic, since..."

- snow14-grumbel.xml:

"Again is the time to..."
I'd say: "Again it's time to..."

"...in control, the Blocker action will help."
"...in control. The Blocker action will help."

- snow16-grumbel.xml:

"And again you have to combine actions carefully and wisely, without
doing that you would end up in the hole short before the exit, so think
about how to avoid that."
I would suggest: "And again you have to combine actions carefully and
wisely, or you might end up in the hole just before the exit. Make sure
you think about how to avoid that." (I'm not sure about that last
sentence.)

- snow22-grumbel.xml:

"All the stuff you need in this level, you should have already learned
in previous levels, so this shouldn't be to much of a problem for you."
How about: "You should have already learned all the stuff you need for
this level in previous levels, so this shouldn't be too much of a
problem for you."

- snow7-grumbel.xml:

"...at hand to coordinate your Pingus, so you have to find other ways to
keep them under control, while a single one is going to prepare..."
I suggest: "...at hand to coordinate your Pingus. You'll have to find
other ways to keep them under control, while a single one goes to
prepare..."

- snow8-grumbel.xml:

"Opposed to..."
"As opposed to..."

"...reach the exit, make sure that..."
I'd put an `and' after the comma.

- solid-tutorial-grumbel.xml:

"...basically every ground, but there is one thing which they can't
penetrate and that are steal objects. Those regions are marked
darkgrey on the levelmap and cannot be destroyed, so find a way
around them."
Here's my suggestion: "...basically everything, but there is one thing
that they can't penetrate: steel. Steel regions are marked dark grey on
the level map and cannot be destroyed, so you'll have to find a way
around them."

-- 
Jeff Binder $ cat|tr -d '\n'|perl >q.c;cc q.c
eval($a=q{$_='eval($a=q{'.$a.'})';$0='\\\'x2;
s/\\\/$0x4/ge;s/"/$0\\\"/g;s/\\$/$0\\$/g;prin
t'main(){system("perl -e\\"'.$_.'\\">o");}'})'