Re: [Fsfe-uk] [until Monday, 18:00] New Flyer, final changes

[Martin WHEELER]

On Mon, 27 May 2002, Georg C. F. Greve wrote:

> here is the final version of the text for the FSF Europe flyers, there
> will be no more content-changes now (even if changes to improve the
> English spelling will of course still be welcome).

OK -- hope you don't mind -- here are a few changes.

<pre>
> also founded the Free Software Foundation (FSF) s a legal entity to
  also founded the Free Software Foundation (FSF) as a legal entity to
                                                  ^

> represent the GNU Project. Being almost complete in the early 90ies,

*please* use either "90s" (note: NO apostrophe); or "nineties".
What you have written jars horribly on the native English speaking mind.


> this,FSF soon grew beyond this initial idea. Based in Boston, MA, USA,
  this, the FSF soon grew beyond this initial idea. Based in Boston, MA,
       ^^^^^^^^


> needed to adapt to new situations. With the foundings of the Free
  needed to adapt to new situations. With the founding of the Free
                                                     ^^^


> provide means for tax-deductable donations in other countries, as
  provide means for tax-deductible donations in other countries, as
                              ^


> well, the FSF Europe seeks to set up charitable per-country-specific -
  usually referred to as Chapters - whenever possible.

 --- missing noun: "charitable per-country-specific <WHATs?>" ---
     bodies?   associations?   organisations?


> begins through associate organisations, which are self-organizing,
                                 ^                             ^
 -- consistency, PLEASE!   (organising)


> bottleneck-problems that have not been addresses sufficiently
  bottleneck-problems that have not been addressed sufficiently
                                                 ^


> Competence Center
>
> The FSF Europe provides a competence center for Free Software.

 - unless this is a proper legal name, I should by far prefer the
British English spelling "Centre" and "centre".


> for strong cryptography on public networks and for official use. After
> GnuPG has become the only supported major OpenPGP standard
> implementation in early 2002, this will help protecting privacy and
> maintain secure communication in the future.

Re-write required.
Suggest:
"After GnuPG has become the only supported major OpenPGP standard
 implementation (due to occur in early 2002), this will help in
 protecting privacy and maintaining secure communication in the future."


> today,with Free Software a company can never lose the right to use
  today, with Free Software a company can never lose the right to use
        ^


> several months, giving it significant clout over its decisions.
  several months, giving it significant clout over decisions.
                                                 ^^^


> success.  Just like citizens are being forced into a proprietary

Re-phrase:
"In the same way that citizens are being forced ...
</pre>


HTH.
-- 
Martin Wheeler <address@hidden> gpg key 01269BEB @ the.earth.li