www/education/misc we_use_gnu-linux_description...

[Dora Scilipoti]

CVSROOT:        /web/www
Module name:    www
Changes by:     Dora Scilipoti <dora>   12/03/17 15:19:07

Modified files:
        education/misc : we_use_gnu-linux_description.en.txt 

Log message:
        Polishing wording a bit.

CVSWeb URLs:
http://web.cvs.savannah.gnu.org/viewcvs/www/education/misc/we_use_gnu-linux_description.en.txt?cvsroot=www&r1=1.1&r2=1.2

Patches:
Index: we_use_gnu-linux_description.en.txt
===================================================================
RCS file: /web/www/www/education/misc/we_use_gnu-linux_description.en.txt,v
retrieving revision 1.1
retrieving revision 1.2
diff -u -b -r1.1 -r1.2
--- we_use_gnu-linux_description.en.txt 16 Mar 2012 16:54:24 -0000      1.1
+++ we_use_gnu-linux_description.en.txt 17 Mar 2012 15:18:54 -0000      1.2
@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@
 00:00 - 00:02
 Video caption: "a documentary film in making".
 The video starts with a close-up of a drawing depicting a gnu head next 
-to a full-bodied penguin on a white paper. The gnu's face is brown with
+to a full-bodied penguin on white paper. The gnu's face is brown with
 big yellow eyes and red horns. The penguin is dark gray with big white
 eyes and it is holding a pencil. Below the two characters it is written: 
 "We use GNU-Linux". 
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@
 building with dark glass windows, while a bus driving by partially 
 covers the lower floors. Next is a side view of the famous Jal Bhavan 
 arch-shaped building. At the end of this scene we see the upper part of 
-a square building where big blue letters read "EMC".
+a building where big blue letters read "EMC".
 
 00:08 - 00:35
 Transition to the slum. Video caption: "Sudarshan Layout. A small slum 
@@ -39,7 +39,7 @@
 A close-up of a large black cooking pot placed on bricks, under which
 fire is made with pieces of wood. 
 
-A close-up of two large square public phones hanging on the wall.
+A close-up of two public phones hanging on the wall.
 
 A group of men sitting on the ground playing dice.
 
@@ -47,32 +47,33 @@
 
 Next we see two girls and two women walking. One of the women approaches 
 the camera carrying a container full of vegetables. A vendor at one side 
-is arranging the tomatoes on top of his cart. People are seen around.
+is arranging tomatoes on top of his cart. People are seen walking around.
 
 Mani is shown from the back riding his tricycle (he uses it because he
-can't walk.) People are seen around.
+can't walk.) People are seen walking around.
 
 00:36 - 00:38
 Scene outside the computer lab at the slum. Video caption: "Ambedkar 
 Community Computer Center (AC3) - a space in Sudarshan layout." We can 
 see a square yellow sign up on the wall with logos and words in Kannada 
-and in English. In Kannada it reads: "Dr. Ambedkar Literacy Improvement 
-Program - Facility provided by Janatantra Youth Forum - New Guruppana 
-Palya - Bangalore 32." In English: "Youth's Democratic Forum". To the 
-left of the sign (your right) there is a closed gray door with paper 
-signs on it, and to its right (your left) there are broken glass windows. 
+that mean: "Dr. Ambedkar Literacy Improvement Program - Facility 
+provided by Janatantra Youth Forum - New Guruppana Palya - Bangalore 
+32." Other words are in English: "Youth's Democratic Forum". To the 
+left of the sign (your right) there is a closed gray door with white
+paper signs on it, and to its right (your left) there are windows with
+broken glass. 
 
 00:39 - 00:43
-A scene inside the lab shows a white paper sign with the design of the 
-dynamic duo (a big and strong GNU seen from the front flying together 
+A scene inside the lab shows a white sheet of paper with the design of 
+the dynamic duo (a big and strong GNU seen from the front flying together 
 with a small penguin); the words read: "Ambedkar Community Computer 
-Center." The camera goes down to show another paper sign right next to 
-it, with the design of a GNU head and the words: "GNU-Linux. Free 
-Software is the future. The future is ours." 
+Center." The camera goes down to show another sheet of paper with the 
+design of a GNU head and the words: "GNU-Linux. Free Software is the 
+future. The future is ours." 
 
 00:44 - 00:58
 Exterior scene. Video caption: "Mani - a 18 years old kid." We can see 
-Mani facing the camera on his tricycle, surrounded by two boys wearing 
+Mani on his tricycle facing the camera, surrounded by two boys wearing 
 white school clothes and carrying small backpacks. There is also a man 
 helping Mani turn around in the opposite direction. Mani drives the
 tricylce with his hands only. White cement blocks and other construction 
@@ -80,32 +81,32 @@
 Layout. 
 
 00:59 - 01:01
-Transition. Mani is seen from the side as he smiles sitting on the 
-ground in front of the entrance door to the lab.
+Transition. Mani is seen from the side sitting on the ground in front of 
+the entrance door to the lab. He smiles.
 
 01:02 - 01:25
 Scene inside the lab. Video caption: "Mani teaches GNU-Linux software to 
 other kids." We can see Mani and other young men sitting at a table and 
 talking in front of a laptop. Close-up of the lid of a laptop with a 
-big sticker that reads: "Gimp arte..." Video caption changes to "Mani a 
-GIMP artist." Mani is seen sitting in front of a laptop that shows the
+big sticker that reads: "Gimp arte..." Video caption changes to "Mani -
+a GIMP artist." Mani is sitting in front of a laptop that shows the
 image of Dr. Bhimrao Ramji Ambedkar and a GNU head on the screen. 
 Close-up of Mani's face, he concentrates in drawing a GNU head with 
-GIMP. We can see how he manipulates the laptop keys and the image taking 
-shape on the screen.
+GIMP. We can see how he manipulates the laptop keys as the image is  
+drawn on the screen.
 
 01:26 - 01:43
 Transition to show close-ups of several colorful digital paintings made 
 by Mani with GIMP. 
 
 01:44 - 02:23
-Transition to the exterior, late in the evening and dark. Video caption: 
+Transition to the exterior, it's dark in the evening. Video caption: 
 "Mani's Quest - a daily journey to learn GNU-Linux."  We can see a wide 
 busy road with several lanes in both directions and lots of vehicles 
 driving along with their lights on. As the vehicles pass by, Mani is 
 seen riding his tricycle along the median divider of the road, escorted 
 by two young men who at a certain point lift the tricycle to place it 
-on the low median divider. A third man approaches to help. He steps 
+on the low median divider. A third man approaches to help and he steps 
 onto the road among cars to clear the way for Mani. With a gesture of 
 his hand he indicates that it is now safe to walk across.  Mani's 
 escorts lift the tricycle off the median divider and push it rushing 
@@ -120,12 +121,12 @@
 another terrace with clothing hanging out to dry. The balloons keep 
 going up until they leave behind the slum area and approach the tall 
 apartment buildings nearby. The video caption changes to: "film by: 
-abhigyan singh - address@hidden - 358 40 855 1354." 
+abhigyan singh - abhigyan.singh at gmail.com - 358 40 855 1354." 
 
 02:41 - 03:00
 End credits:
 
-Original video by Abhigyan Singh - address@hidden - 
+Original video by Abhigyan Singh - abhigyan.singh at gmail.com - 
 358 40 855 1354 - Edited and adapted by GNU Education Team -
 www.gnu.org/education/edu-team.html.