[Top][All Lists]
[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
www/fun/jokes courtroom.quips.html
|
From: |
Yavor Doganov |
|
Subject: |
www/fun/jokes courtroom.quips.html |
|
Date: |
Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:41:10 +0000 |
CVSROOT: /web/www
Module name: www
Changes by: Yavor Doganov <yavor> 09/03/05 14:41:10
Modified files:
fun/jokes : courtroom.quips.html
Log message:
Split the whole <pre> block into tables and paragraphs.
CVSWeb URLs:
http://web.cvs.savannah.gnu.org/viewcvs/www/fun/jokes/courtroom.quips.html?cvsroot=www&r1=1.7&r2=1.8
Patches:
Index: courtroom.quips.html
===================================================================
RCS file: /web/www/www/fun/jokes/courtroom.quips.html,v
retrieving revision 1.7
retrieving revision 1.8
diff -u -b -r1.7 -r1.8
--- courtroom.quips.html 5 Nov 2008 00:45:27 -0000 1.7
+++ courtroom.quips.html 5 Mar 2009 14:40:13 -0000 1.8
@@ -1,152 +1,194 @@
<!--#include virtual="/server/header.html" -->
-
-<title>Great Court Quotes - GNU Project - Free Software Foundation
(FSF)</title>
-
+<title>Great Court Quotes</title>
<!--#include virtual="/server/banner.html" -->
-
<h2>Great Court Quotes</h2>
-<pre>
-The following article is taken from the New Hampshire Business Review
-under the category of lawyers. This was one of Richard Lederer's
-columns on Looking at Language. Original date unknown.
+<p>The following article is taken from the <cite>New Hampshire
+Business Review</cite> under the category of lawyers. This was one of
+Richard Lederer's columns on <cite>Looking at Language</cite>.
+Original date unknown.</p>
-From Mary Louise Gilman's two volumes, here are some great court
+<p>From Mary Louise Gilman's two volumes, here are some great court
quotes, all from official transquips, all recorded by America's
-keepers of the word:
+keepers of the word:</p>
-Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
-A. Borofkin.
-Q. What's his first name?
-A. I can't remember.
-Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't
- remember his first name?
-A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the
- witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan,
- for God's sake, tell them your first name!
-
-Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
-A. I refuse to answer that question.
-Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
-A. I refuse to answer that question.
-Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
-A. No.
-
-Q. Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
-A. By death.
-Q. And by whose death was it terminated?
-
-Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
-A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
-
-Q. What is your name?
-A. Ernestine McDowell.
-Q. And what is your marital status?
-A. Fair.
-
-Q. Are you married?
-A. No, I'm divorced.
-Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
-A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
-
-Q. And who is this person you are speaking of?
-A. My ex-widow said it.
-
-Q. How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?
-A. Well, a gal down the road had had several of her
- children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.
-
-Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
-A. I will be three months November 8th.
-Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
-A. Yes.
-Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?
-
-Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
-A. I should be.
-Q. How many times have you comitted suicide?
-A. Four times.
-
-Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on dead people?
-A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
-
-Q. Were you aquainted with the decedent?
-A. Yes, sir.
-Q. Before or after he died?
-
-Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the
- influence?
-A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words.
-
-Q. What happened then?
-A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify
- me."
-Q. Did he kill you?
-A. No.
-
-Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a
- deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
-A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work.
-
-Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
-A. No.
-Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
-A. Picking them up in the air.
-Q. Where was the dog at this time?
-A. Attached to the ears.
-
-Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were
- able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not
- to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she,
- with him to the station?
-MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
-
-[Before we recess, let's listen to one last exchange involving a child:]
-
-Q. And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What
- school do you go to?
-A. Oral.
-Q. How old are you?
-A. Oral.
-</pre>
-
-<p>
-<a href="/fun/humor.html">Other humor</a>
-in the GNU Humor Collection.</p>
-
-<div class="infobox">
-<h4 id="Disclaimer">Disclaimer</h4><p>The joke on this page was
-obtained from the FSF's <a href="http://lists.gnu.org/";>email
-archives</a> of the GNU Project.</p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>What is your brother-in-law's name?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Borofkin.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>What's his first name?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>I can't remember.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you
+can't remember his first name?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No. I tell you I'm too excited. <i>(Rising from
+the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.)</i> Nathan, for
+God's sake, tell them your first name!</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Did you ever stay all night with this man in New
+York?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>I refuse to answer that question.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Did you ever stay all night with this man in
+Chicago?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>I refuse to answer that question.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Did you ever stay all night with this man in
+Miami?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage
+terminated?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>By death.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>And by whose death was it terminated?</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Doctor, did you say he was shot in the
+woods?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No, I said he was shot in the lumbar
+region.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>What is your name?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Ernestine McDowell.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>And what is your marital status?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Fair.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Are you married?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No, I'm divorced.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>And what did your husband do before you divorced
+him?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>A lot of things I didn't know about.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>And who is this person you are speaking of?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>My ex-widow said it.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>How did you happen to go to Dr. Cherney?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Well, a gal down the road had had several of her
+children by Dr. Cherney, and said he was really good.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>I will be three months November 8th.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Apparently then, the date of conception was August
+8th?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Yes.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>What were you and your husband doing at that
+time?</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are
+emotionally unstable?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>I should be.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>How many times have you comitted suicide?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Four times.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Doctor, how many autopsies have you peformed on
+dead people?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>All my autopsies have been performed on dead
+people.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Were you aquainted with the decedent?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Yes, sir.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Before or after he died?</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was
+under the influence?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Because he was argumentary and he couldn't
+pronunciate his words.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>What happened then?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>He told me, he says, “I have to kill you
+because you can identify me.”</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Did he kill you?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning
+pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No. This is how I dress when I go to work.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Did he pick the dog up by the ears?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>No.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>What was he doing with the dog's ears?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Picking them up in the air.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>Where was the dog at this time?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Attached to the ears.</td></tr>
+</table>
+<p></p>
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>When he went, had you gone and had she, if she
+wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the
+restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you,
+meaning you and she, with him to the station?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>MR. BROOKS:</td> <td>Objection. That question should be taken
+out and shot.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>[Before we recess, let's listen to one last exchange involving a
+child:]</p>
+
+<table>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral.
+O.K.? What school do you go to?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Oral.</td></tr>
+<tr><td>Q.</td> <td>How old are you?</td></tr>
+<tr><td>A.</td> <td>Oral.</td></tr>
+</table>
+
+<p>This joke is also available
+in <a href="/fun/jokes/courtroom.quips">plain text</a>.</p>
+
+<p><a href="/fun/humor.html">Other humor</a> in the GNU Humor
+Collection.</p>
+
+<h4 id="Disclaimer">Disclaimer</h4>
+<p>The joke on this page was obtained from the
+FSF's <a href="http://lists.gnu.org/";>email archives</a> of the GNU
+Project.</p>
<p>The Free Software Foundation claims no copyright on this joke.</p>
-</div>
</div>
-<!--#include virtual="/server/footer-min.html" -->
+<!--#include virtual="/server/footer.html" -->
<div id="footer">
-<p>
-Please send FSF & GNU inquiries to
-<a href="mailto:address@hidden";><em>address@hidden</em></a>. There are
-also <a href="http://www.fsf.org/about/contact.html";>other ways to
-contact</a> the FSF.
-<br />
-Please send broken links and other corrections (or suggestions) to
-<a href="mailto:address@hidden";><em>address@hidden</em></a>.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Please see the
-<a href="/server/standards/README.translations.html">Translations
-README</a> for information on coordinating and submitting
-translations of this article.
-</p>
+<p>Please send FSF & GNU inquiries to
+<a href="mailto:address@hidden";><em>address@hidden</em></a>.
+There are also <a href="/contact/">other ways to contact</a>
+the FSF.<br />
+Please send broken links and other corrections or suggestions to
+<a href="mailto:address@hidden";><em>address@hidden</em></a>.</p>
+
+<p>Please see the <a
+href="/server/standards/README.translations.html">Translations
+README</a> for information on coordinating and submitting translations
+of this article.</p>
-<p>
-Updated:
+<p>Updated:
<!-- timestamp start -->
-$Date: 2008/11/05 00:45:27 $
+$Date: 2009/03/05 14:40:13 $
<!-- timestamp end -->
</p>
</div>
@@ -154,24 +196,25 @@
<div id="translations">
<h4>Translations of this page</h4>
- <!-- Please keep this list alphabetical, and in the original -->
- <!-- language if possible, otherwise default to English -->
- <!-- If you do not have it English, please comment what the -->
- <!-- English is. If you add a new language here, please -->
- <!-- advise address@hidden and add it to -->
- <!-- - in /home/www/bin/nightly-vars either TAGSLANG or WEBLANG -->
- <!-- - in /home/www/html/server/standards/README.translations.html -->
- <!-- one of the lists under the section "Translations Underway" -->
- <!-- - if there is a translation team, you also have to add an alias -->
- <!-- to mail.gnu.org:/com/mailer/aliases -->
- <!-- Please also check you have the 2 letter language code right versus -->
- <!-- http://www.w3.org/WAI/ER/IG/ert/iso639.htm -->
+<!-- Please keep this list alphabetical by language code. -->
+<!-- Comment what the language is for each type, i.e. de is German. -->
+<!-- Write the language name in its own language (Deutsch) in the text. -->
+<!-- If you add a new language here, please -->
+<!-- advise address@hidden and add it to -->
+<!-- - /home/www/html/server/standards/README.translations.html -->
+<!-- - one of the lists under the section "Translations Underway" -->
+<!-- - if there is a translation team, you also have to add an alias -->
+<!-- to mail.gnu.org:/com/mailer/aliases -->
+<!-- Please also check you have the language code right; see: -->
+<!-- http://www.loc.gov/standards/iso639-2/php/code_list.php -->
+<!-- If the 2-letter ISO 639-1 code is not available, -->
+<!-- use the 3-letter ISO 639-2. -->
+<!-- Please use W3C normative character entities. -->
<ul class="translations-list">
<!-- English -->
<li><a href="/fun/jokes/courtroom-quips.html">English</a> [en]</li>
</ul>
-
</div>
</div>
</body>
- www/fun/jokes courtroom.quips.html,
Yavor Doganov <=