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Jokes of the day
I'll trust you that you paid
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.
But I paid, don't you remember? says the customer.
Okay, says the bartender, If you said you paid, you did.
The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep replies, If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it.
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.
The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.
Don't bother me with your troubles, the final patron responds. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way.
I get so drunk that I imagine things
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, What do you have in there, pal?
A mongoose. What for?
Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection.
But, the friend said, you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.
That's okay, said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, So is the mongoose.
Driving home very drunk
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.
The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers. Are you Mr. Johnson? the asked? He admitted that he was.
Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence? Again, the man admitted that was he.
And what did you do then, the troopers asked. The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.
Where is your car now? the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.
May we see the car? asked the troopers. The man answered, Sure, and opened the garage.
Inside the garage was the state troopers car.
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